last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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