I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
