god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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