So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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