Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
