I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
