Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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