I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
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he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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