I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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