I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
