K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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