I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Randomize
