I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
