Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
