I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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