Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize