Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
