So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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