i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize