I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
