Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The struggles of a small town man whore
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
