the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
