I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
