It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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