i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
