I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
