You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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