Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
