it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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