u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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