i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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