you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
