he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
