i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
