I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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