We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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