I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
