shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
