last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
