he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize