I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
