I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Your cock deserves a montage
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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