Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
