Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
