Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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