he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
