would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
