I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
