brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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