He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
