You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
