that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
