You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
