Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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