I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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