i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
